- Screw Bill Lumbergh!
- I swear, I thought it was a home fill
Exploded a nuclear bomb.
- Cesar Millan is Gay
Mauled 30 people with your dog.
- OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale
Roasted 30 people with fire.
- Rebecca Black's Nightmare
Totaled 30 cars.
- Hello, Newman
Kicked 30 dogs.
- Darth Maul'd!
Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
- Reddit would be proud.
Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
- Pussy on a Pedestal
Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
- I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace
Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
- Uncle T-Bag
Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
- Do you even Enzyte, bro?
Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
- Running With Scissors
Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
- Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!
Killed over 1,000 people.
- And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree
Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
- Lieberman is our Leader!
Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
- Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.
Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
- Can't Touch This
Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
- Fear and Loathing
Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
- Señor Cornballer
Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
- GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
- Rick Grimes 4 Life
Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
- 40 Year Old Virgin
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
- CAN YOU DIG IT?!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
- Planet of the Apes: The Musical
Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
- Scientology Level: OT VIII
Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
- Fur Sure!
Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
- It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog
Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
- Where's Mr. McGibblets?
Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
- Finkle IS Einhorn!
Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
- Anger Management With Roger Clemens
Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
- Shiva Blast
"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
- Don't taze me, bro!
Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
- I Am Legend
Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
- I should buy a boat
Read the newspaper every day.
- Friend of Dorothy
Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
- Officer McLovin'
Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
- Paid the Piper
Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
- Well, aren't YOU a badass
Kicked open a door.
- I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you
Put out someone that's on fire.
- It's sterile and I like the taste
Sucked down your own piss.
- It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway
Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Wore all three outfits.
- I don't need virgins for this
Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
- A-Rod Who?
Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
- Door Mat
Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
- Chuck Norris'd!
Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
- One time, at band camp...
Saved the marching band from explody death.
- There's always money in the banana stand
Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
- SCREW that game!
Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
- Found 'em faster than GWB
Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
- Gotta pay the Troll Toll
Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
- John Rambo'd!
Made a very long killing spree.
- Gary vs. a Giant Penis
Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
- You are not alone
Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
- Thanks for the money!
Finished all seven days.
- It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays
- I'm not even supposed to be here today!