Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Penetrate God.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Submit your monthly physical report.
Swallow every worm.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.