Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Swallow every worm.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Penetrate God.
Submit your monthly physical report.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.