Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Penetrate God.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Submit your monthly physical report.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Swallow every worm.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.