Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Penetrate God.
Submit your monthly physical report.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Swallow every worm.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.