Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Penetrate God.
Submit your monthly physical report.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Swallow every worm.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Move to the left.
Move to the right.