Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Swallow every worm.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Penetrate God.
Submit your monthly physical report.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.