Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Penetrate God.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Swallow every worm.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Submit your monthly physical report.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.