Here is the full list of all 28 Genital Jousting achievements.
Submit your monthly physical report.
You should see a doctor immediately.
Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.
Reminisce about your care-free days as a cactus picker.
Penetrate God.
Collect enough milk to fill the tank.
Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.
Save yourself for that special orgy.
Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.
Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.
Good at video games. Terrible at sex.
Win Lights Out in under five seconds.
Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Marry yourself in Abstinence.
Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Swallow every worm.
Don't let sleeping dongs lie.
Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.
Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Move to the right.
Move to the left.