Here is the full list of all 24 Captain Kaon achievements.
You've killed some pods, yay you.
You've squished so many pods, you monster.
This is mine, this is mine, all this is mine! Meow!
Now it just seems mean.......
The carnage is unspeakable. Let us never speak of it.
Is there something wrong with you?
...well...maybe chill out for a bit, yeah?
...you actually read the credits.
The Ceres Revolt has been supressed.
The machinations of Doctor Quantex are defeated.
Ceres has been conquered without failing a mission
Mars has been conquered without failing a mission
You anorak......
Do you have any bullets left?
Wow. You've died 100 times, maybe try dodging.
..unless they bring cookies.
I don't care what's inside, it's mine
You know they're special when they're gold.
It looks lonely, you should get some more...
Only winners get a gold medal.
You're getting good at this.
You're unstoppable
You're buried under medals
You're the best.